Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Make Your Very Own Illegal Apartment!!

It appears that the developers of this urban trailer park on Flushing Ave in Maspeth are getting a bit anxious to sell the units. The realtors are advertising the nice two car garage that comes with one of these units - and enticing potential buyers by pointing out that the garage can be converted into an illegal apartment! The full listing was recently changed (4/7) to remove this illicit suggestion. Queens Crap remains disturbed (but sadly not surprised) that illegal conversions are so common place that they are openly discussed and encouraged in the real estate ads.

If any potential buyers are thinking about making such a conversion, please be aware that Crappy and the neighborhood will be watching and we love to get on the phone with the Department of Buildings.

Note: Crappy is laughing his metal behind right off the bowl at the "Superior In Workmanship And Design" comment at the top of the ad and the quote from the development's website below...

"Atop of the concrete block structure, window accents created in the stucco create a look that can be seen in the many of the homes in the affluent Forest Hills Gardens area of Queens." HA HA HA HA HA

Screenshot from Foxtons, Listing information courtesy Njn Realty Corp.


Anonymous said...

Hey, why isn't Gallagher protesting this instead of problems that have already been solved???

Anonymous said...

Hey, maybe our multimillion dollar part-time headline-grabbing junket-going city council can pull themselves away from deep concerns over Con Ed advertising campaigns, transfats, street naming and aluminum baseball bats and perhaps do something useful like CLAMPING DOWN ON THIS BS!!!!

Anonymous said...

Please do not publicize this.

You are not supposed to be aware that illegal apartments exist, and should look the other way. It is an integrated fabric of our city.

Queens Borough President H. Marshal has threatened to address the problem years ago with the DOB and HPD. We haven't heard much noise lately, and should expect their efforts have taken effect, and the issue abated.

The general claims of lower quality of life, the overcrowding, straining of services, not to mention safety concerns, are unsubstantiated. PLEASE LOOK THE OTHER WAY.
Otherwise, where will tenants of questionable backgrounds live?
Who will derelict landlords look to exploit to make undocumented income?

Please be considerate. This (sometimes literal) underground system of illegal apartments has existed for a long time. If the DOB, HPD, and elected officials do not consider it a problem. Then it isn't.

The newspaper may make a big deal about deadly fires in illegal apartments. But soon after, we forget about it, and look forward to affording one of those new luxury condo-miniums that are sprouting up. One day perhaps.

Anonymous said...

I pass this piece of crap every day on my way to work in Brooklyn and I get sick everytime I look at it. Its so ugly, photos don't do it justice - it's almost like they deliberately made it as ugly as possible to spite the neighborhood.

Even worse, now they're encouraging illegal over-population of the neighborhood to spite us all s'more. I'm glad these don't seem to be selling well. Could it be that people actually have taste?

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

Wow! Great work Crappy. You caught the disgraceful real estate industry red-handed once again.

Zach said...

I know the post above was tongue-in-cheek, but the fact is that a lot of Queens neighborhoods wouldn't be sustainable in their current forms *without* illegal apartments. Probably 15% of the housing units in Astoria aren't legal, for example, but without the density and vitality that they provide, Astoria would be a less stable community.

Bonus: Most illegal apartments are in the landlord's home -- hardly a "derelict landlord", in that case. I'd be much more worried about this whole anti-density movement brewing (which QC seems to be about 50% in favor of) in the boroughs, which promises to totally screw over those of us in need of affordable housing.

Look, either they build apartment blocks now and again, or a housing black market is going to spring up. It's practically inevitable. Maybe you should be lobbying for design standards instead.

Anonymous said...

I am certain the Congressman Ackerman's newspaper, the Tribune, would want to do something about this.

As his colleagues in Congress are aware, a particular concern of Homeland Security is the squirreling away of potential terrorists in illegal apartments, places that do not exist on any official record in any city agency.

We do not want his associates in Congress to think that he is making their job more difficult by looking the other way while this severe threat grows right under his nose, right within his district.

I am looking forward to a piece in his newspaper exposing this danger to everyone's well being. Aren't you?

Anonymous said...

"Probably 15% of the housing units in Astoria aren't legal, for example, but without the density and vitality that they provide, Astoria would be a less stable community."

Yes, Astoria is very stable. For example, I heard your electric current was very stable last summer. So stable that even my electric rates are going up for your repairs, and I live in Brooklyn!

Density? Are you happy to drive around and spend 25 minutes instead of 5 looking for a parking space? Or is it the distinct charms of the Emergency Room at Astoria General your idea of fine medical care. Hell, where there used to be three hospitals serving a community about 60% of today's size there is now one, so they must be doing something right?

I hope you saw the posting the other day how your neighborhood is going to get more power plants. So the density of the air your children are breathing in is a small price to pay for ‘community vitality?’

I am glad that Crappie has posted this. A nice case is building that the folks in CB1 in Astoria are the laboratory for everything that is bad in community 'development.'

Your community is also served notice that everyone on this board is watching everything you do. Those days in which you could abuse your fellow neighbors with development knowing that the press and politicians will turn the other eye are fast drawing to a close, my friend.

BTW, nitwit, perhaps you would like to go into neighborhoods in, well ... just about anywhere else in NYC and give them your mantra that illegal conversions are good.

It should be very amusing.

georgetheatheist said...

Schenkler, Schnepps, Sanchez, Barsamian, & Weidler! This Foxtons listing should be PAGE ONE of your next edition.

Anonymous said...

Zach, you want affordable housing?

Then get after the politicians to lower taxes!!

Then instead of helping at most a few hundred each year (and taking it away in taxes for infrastructure) everyone can be helped.

What do you think about that?

georgetheatheist said...

...and Blank, you're not off the hook either!

hooper said...

I don't think Foxtons is the listing agent for this property - their search engine can now pick up anything on MLS.

Queens Crapper said...

Oh good gravy. I take a few hours off from the blog and all hell breaks loose! Thank you, hooper, for bringing this to our attention. Great job.

Guess what? The last name of the owner of this development is Baharestani.

Anonymous said...

Looks like Melinda sent Steve B. to Pinky's district to crap it up. He also owns these previously featured monstrosities in Forest Hills:

Sunday 3-for-1 Special

Scoop from the Katz litterbox

Anonymous said...

Then we're forbidden to comment. This is Queens where certain groups are favored by the clubhouse for 'tweeding' and are above criticism.

We lose. Let's move on.

Anonymous said...

zach, Which part of my post did you not understand? I think the message was pretty clear.

There is no problem with illegal apartments. And nor should you keep bringing it up.

Don't listen to these people here. They are already building apartment blocks here, there, and everywhere. All the development efforts you see lately will provide for us affordable housing. Don't worry, and don't listen to these people. We will be fine.

Anonymous said...

Hooper is correct. It is not a Foxtons listing or property description, but an IDX data feed originating from NJN Realty Corp. as the listing agent. The same description would show up on all IDX participating broker sites.

Zach said...

"nitwit", eh? Well, that's a reasoned argument.

Anyway... sigh: electric current has nothing to do with population density, it has to do with outdated equipment. When I live in a dense urban neighborhood, I don't keep a car. Hospitals are going bankrupt everywhere, and whole sections of the city have none; that's hardly a DENSITY problem, it happens all over the country in the last 20 years.

Finally, that power plant connection -- what? We need power no matter where those people live.

Anyway, I don't live in CB1 anymore, but, frankly, stick to your own neighborhood before you insult mine. Most people there like it just fine, and being able to have people of all classes living in what is a surprisingly expensive neighborhood pays dividends.

re lower taxes: Yeah, sure, taxes are awfully high -- but ultimately, lower taxes just give me a little more money to spend on housing. It doesn't put that big of a dent in housing costs that rise 5% every year. My taxes can't go down THAT fast... only housing construction's actually going to turn the market around.

I'm sympathetic to Queens Crap's whole thing -- I mean, those buildings are hideous, let's not kid ourselves. But railing against density becomes irresponsible when the city's housing stock is decaying and not being replaced, and the population is going up by 100K every year.

georgetheatheist said...

"Or is it the distinct charms of the Emergency Room at Astoria General Hospital your idea of fine medical care?"

Last year in May, I had to go to the hospital for emergency care. My friend drove me to AGH - we found street parking too! But when I went into that hospital, my eyes literally bugged-out at the packed-to-the-gills ER. Me no dope! I told my friend, please drive me to North Shore in Forest Hills.

Folks, it's only going to get worse. Your LIVES are literally on the line.

Anonymous said...

Good Work!! You made it to today with this one!!!

See their comments at

Well done!

Anonymous said...

"The city's housing stock is decaying and not being replaced"

Zach, please pass the LSD over this way.

Anonymous said...

Electric current nothing to do with population density. The more people who live in a neighborhood, the less power surge there is.

Because whole sections of the city don't have hospitals, that means putting more people in neighborhoods underserved by them isn't a problem.

Because Zach doesn't have a car and lives in a dense area, that means no one in Astoria owns a car.
Because Zach is ok with his neighborhood being overdeveloped, that means the rest of Zach's neighborhood likes it as well. "being able to have people of all classes living in what is a surprisingly expensive neighborhood pays dividends" - yes, I agree the rick folk need to have illegals living illegally works out better financially for them.

Forget that recent report that says as many people left the city as are moving in; I believe Zach and the mayor when they say we are going to have 9 million people in the city soon.

Thank you Queens Crap for giving Zach the opportunity to help us see the light.

And finally, thank you Zach for coming here and making a post that was originally about advertising an illegal conversion into "irresponsible railing against density." We are so stupid to be against something that is illegal.

Queens Crapper said...

Next thing you know, FH Guy will post anonymously about how people on this blog are against all new development and that he is always being accused of working for a politician or a developer.

Anonymous said...

Zach, you're wasting your breath on the regulars here. I've also posted a few comments here trying to point out that being against all new development is not a solution to the problem of bad, ugly or out-of character development.

Name calling is the usual response here. The next thing that will happen is that you'll be accused of working for a developer or (gasp!) a politician.

Queens Crapper said...

Damn, I'm good!

Anonymous said...

When you have an already strained electrical grid, the best thing to do is to overdevelop the neighborhood where the grid is weakest.

Anonymous said...

News alert: Being against illegal apartments is not being against density. Truly sad that some people living here don't understand that.

Anonymous said...

"Style of yesteryear has been brought back to life. Maspeth Mews Townhomes are built with the old world character that has long been forgotten in new construction. These thirteen townhouses will set a whole new standard for new construction. These are homes that will serve the test of time."

Oh man, QC, this developer just gave me my biggest laugh of the week. Has he actually looked at these things?

Anonymous said...

These apartments are not illegal- they are "undocumented conversions."

georgetheatheist said...

Hey Zach(erley)! Why doncha jump back into the coffin with Isabel and throw Januz the jelly brain in too!

Anonymous said...

Zach must have a builder on his back or a developer up his ass!

What poorly reasoned tripe he's spewing.

He's as dumb as a post......even sawdust has a higher IQ!

Anonymous said...

Bloated boy is in the building.

Anonymous said...

No it's Pinky time.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

me thinks me smells a politician or his lap dancer.

Anonymous said...

Hell, Zach doesn't bother me, Like those morons at SSG, when challenged to take his rather unique take on things outside of Queens he changes the subject.

The days in which a local hack can take advantage of his defenseless peasants (without the world looking over his shoulder) are over.


Anonymous said...

Let me tell you about Zack. He justifies everything with, "that's the way it is." He accepts illegal housing, illegal immigration, illegal vendors, illegal anything and actually tries to put a positive spin on it! Unless of course it DIRECTLY affects him. Then it's a different story.

Of course Zack will even manage to say that all of this is actually good for the city's economy and great for the neighborhood schools...but in the end Zack is just a fool.

Anonymous said...

who the hell is this guy Gallagher? and why should I care.

dave in milwaukee said...

To be perfectly frank, I don't see anything untrue about the alleged "hype" on the developer's website. Other than its questionable use of redundancy and semi-mangled metaphors, the descriptions are probably very accurate. Consider the following two examples:

CLAIM: "These thirteen townhouses will set a whole new standard for new construction."

COMMENT: Yes, just when you look at existing Queens Crap and think standards couldn't possibly sink any lower, these new piles of shit will surprise you by setting brand new standards for shoddy design and construction that will actually make some of the slightly older Queens Crap look good by comparison!

CLAIM: "These are homes that will serve [sic] the test of time."

COMMENT: Yes, in the highly unlikely event these dungeons are still standing ten years from now, they will look just as hideous then as they do now!

Anonymous said...


1. a two-toed African bird that runs very fast but cannot fly. It is the largest living bird and has a long bare neck, small head, and fluffy drooping feathers. Latin name: Struthio camelus

2. somebody who tries to avoid unpleasant situations by refusing to acknowledge that they exist (informal) ie. Zach

Anonymous said...

Hey Hooper why arent you posting the illegal basement business of your friend Bob? Or maybe we should just ask fellow Board member Al who did the work. Bet the DOB would like to know what its employees are doing especially on the City's dime. Oh, beware the tax inspectors. Hope all your books are in order.

Know you won't post this but at least now some of your "anonymous" writers will soon realize that they are no longer untouchable. And this is only the beginning.

hooper said...

I am not on any board, so I don't know what you are talking about, anonymous.

Queens Crapper said...

Look 2 posts above to see Pinky or one of his bobbleheads threaten his constituents.

Anonymous said...

You mean Pinky and Fatboy troll this blog on Easter Sunday? That's just pathetic.

Anonymous said...

Hey QC, you are getting to the counciljerk. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

If you listen to Dennis Gallagher, and his verbally challenged attorney, you don't have to worry about illegal apartments, if you have one no problem, "just don't let the building inspectors in," they said.

Gallagher took an oath of office to uphold the law, he should resign now and save the trouble to the city of indicting him.