Wednesday, November 21, 2007

How to mess up a neighborhood profile

Ok, AM-NY, you came to my 'hood and then blew it big time.

City living: Maspeth

"Named for the Mespeatches Indians who once inhabited the area, Maspeth sits in the heart of Queens."

Maspeth sits on the Brooklyn-Queens border.

"Maspeth has no railroad or subway stops of its own, but shares the M station with Middle Village."

The Metropolitan Avenue station is 100% in Middle Village.

"Also nearby is the L train's Morgan Street stop, from which the Q57 bus goes straight to Grand Avenue."

Don't know anyone in Maspeth who takes the bus to the L but if they did, the Q57 goes down Flushing Avenue to the Jefferson Street stop, not the Morgan Avenue stop. How about the E, V, R and 7 trains? That's how most people get to Manhattan. Take the Q58 to Queens Blvd, the Q67 to LIC, or the Q18 to Roosevelt.

"One bedroom, one bath walking distance from 7 train, one block from Q67 bus stop: $1,100
Two bedroom, one bath located off Elliot Avenue next to Woodhaven Boulevard: $1,800
Three-bedroom apartment at 100th Avenue and Springfield Boulevard: $1,500"

The first one stretches the term "walking distance", the second is in Middle Village and the last one is on the other side of Queens...

"Local parks and playgrounds
There are many to choose from, and all promise a nice visit: Frontera Playground, at Brown Place, 69th St, and 58th Ave. Juniper Valley Park: Between Dry Harbor Road, Juniper Boulevard and Lutheran Avenue, in nearby Middle Village."

If there are many to choose from, why would we have to go to nearby Middle Village? Maurice Park and Rieff Park are the only other parks in the nabe that are not small dopey triangles next to the LIE.

"How has the neighborhood changes (sic) for the better?
There are a lot more cultural activities going on. The Maspeth Federal Savings bank does concerts and comedy shoes (sic) during the summer. There's always a Memorial Day parade that ends in the cemetery with a 40-gun salute."

The bank has always done this and we have always had the parade. It ends at the memorial square with a 21-gun salute. Great proofreading, by the way.

"And you can't miss Donovan's on 58th street, it's close to Woodside, but it's known for the best hamburger in NYC."

Donovan's is in Woodside on Roosevelt Avenue.

Then there's one of the dumbest statements I have ever read in print:

"I think we have three Cavalries. (sic) That's why the streets are so narrow. It's because they used to bring in the bodies on ox carts."



Anonymous said...

the Manhattan based newspaper probably didn't even send any reporters over to Maspeth, compiling the article, instead, by researching the town on the internet, via "" or the like.

Anonymous said...

excellent deconstruction.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha this is a riot. Yes, the ox carts were used to transport bodies dumped into a common grave during the plague that destroyed a once vibrant community during the 1300s. St Saviours was the locaton.

The community never recovered.

Anonymous said...

Great, the largest borough with almost 40% and the newspapers hires someone from Jersey to cover it.

Hell, its full of immigrants, and backward Archie Bunkers and second string leadership. They either don't know, wouldn't care, or have no voice.

Who cares what is said or done out there.

Anonymous said...

This is both funny and sad at the same time.

Anonymous said...

A sharp reporter would have done his research and would have actually visited the town. The reporter could have written about how it was once a lovely bedroom community, but now the developers who are in bed with the politicians have turned it into an architectural eyesore. An illegal Immigrant population that is housed in illegal basement apartments by their greedy absentee landlords. Let's not forget about the overcrowded schools and lack of parking. A great place to live!

Anonymous said...

Major Media Outlets have no clue as to Outer Borough Geography. An ongoing insult is from Atlas Mall, who refer to their location as "Just outside Forest Hills, in the current radio spot.

Anonymous said...

The sad thing is, I like the two morning freebies for their attitude on issues of transportation and gentrification. At the same time, in order to pay the bills they do these ignorant puff pieces telling the ignorantly newly arrived exactly how and where to gentrify a neighborhood (I didn't see the piece, but I do hope it told Johnny Hipster just where he could get his politically correct, organically grown, shade-grown java). At least in Maspeth's case, the errors may forestall--briefly--the inevitable destruction of your home base.

georgetheatheist said...

I think it's great. Now any intruding real estate vermin will get totally lost, give up, and turn back to the hole they crawled out of: Maspeth stays Maspeth!

Anonymous said...

As Curtis Sliwa says (for the next couple of weeks anyway), they couldn't be more hopelessly wrong. Wrong with the facts, wrong with the spelling. What an amateurish operation.

Thing is they don't care, because to them, well, it's MASPETH.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Who cares what is written about Maspeth. It's the armpit of Queens anyway.

Anonymous said...

If Maspeth is the armpit of Queens then Nikki is the hemorrhoids.

Anonymous said...

I think you might change your mind about Maspeth if you come visit the place in person. So why not drop by, ideally when the guns are being fired.

Anonymous said...

You know how sometimes dailies reprint stories from local weekly papers? Well, maybe this one was written by someone from the Queens Ledge.

Anonymous said...

I think it was written by Meg Cotner of Outer B.

Anonymous said...

Who cares what is written about Maspeth. It's the armpit of Queens anyway.


No, a certain big shot over at HDC made this remark about College Point in a meeting.

Half the room threatened to walk out. That effort in outreach to grassroots backfired!

Of course, it never stopped him from accepting money from the area.

Anonymous said...

You mean Blondie from Berkley? Hell she as been here, well, a few years and can breezily write about real estate for any community.

Of course, over at, after she breathlessly wrote about yet another 150 year old mansion about to be torn down, and was challenged by the community to save it, saulked off.

Ain't gonna get off the hook that lightly, sweetie.

Oh, yes, another friend of Simeeon, so we understand.

Anonymous said...

Yea, I read her nasty comments about St Saviour being flattened.

So much for attacting new blood to Queens to 'revitalize' our communities.

Friend of Simeon you say? Invite her over to cuss at the locals.

Anonymous said...

Somebody from "out west"
seems to have a bug up their ass
for HDC .

There's slander and libel.....
both grounds for lawsuits!