Friday, November 23, 2007

Elmhurst Dream Home

If you've been searching for a new home or place of business, look no further. This one's in close proximity to subway and bus lines, adjacent to the LIRR main line, and within sight lines of the chic new C Condo on Calamus Avenue (more to come on that one soon)!
Yes, 84-09 Grand Avenue is just perfect.
Ample parking available in paved over front yard when plastic surgeon's office not open. Great police protection as NYPD unmarked cars frequently sit here waiting for speeders and other traffic violators, and extra security bars on second and third floor windows are installed for your protection.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

This property is an early pioneer as one of the finest examples of Queens Crap. This latest rendition has so many elements of crap that it is well.. crapifying!

The previous crap property for all those whom remeber the days when we were not scrambling to buy chop sticks in local stores was a Texeco gas station. It was perched over the LIRR tracks in such a way that after a huge rain storm we were dumbfounded that it still hung on without sliding into the tracks. Tradition lives on - you wonder how the plastic surgen keeps his hand steady while a train roars by and whom in their right mind comes here as a patient?

Anonymous said...

What a lovely pile of shit.

KG2V said...

Looking at the photos, those 2nd and 3rd floor bars are not "security bars" - but Child guard bars, which are required on all apartments higher than the 1st floor if the apartment has children. (which would also explain them NOT being on the 1st floor)

For THAT alone, I can forgive them

Queens Crapper said...

They are on the first floor, and they are vertical, not horizontal, as child window guards are.

who walk in brooklyn said...

i'd be proud of any child smart enough to escape from there! love the rust stains there, presumable from said burglar bars & i have to admit i'm shocked there's... no graffiti on that long fence? (was it recently painted?)

sadly Crapper there are buildings of this great quality-- if not quite as amazing location-- in Crown Heights (just add Moschiach is Coming sign) and Sheepshead Bay (most of the signs in Russian.)

from the streets--

wwib

Anonymous said...

Oh, can't wait for Blondie from Berkley to feature this in OuterB.

Anonymous said...

The asian communtity loves it.. they will lap it up!!

Queens Crapper said...

WWIB: recently toured Crown Heights...couldn't agree with you more. Incidentally, the St. Saviour's owner LOVES to build his shit pile houses there, so you can imagine what St. Saviour's will look like after they are done with building around it, should they get away with their horrible plan.

lad1818 said...

The person whose window faces the billboard probably has the best view.

Anonymous said...

Why wasn't this property included in the adjacent Grand Slope park acquisition?

Anonymous said...

Hey, everything I read says that Elmhurst is an exciting neighborhood. The pages just drool with extolling the virtures of this multicultural community.

As a matter of fact, this place is so exciting that other communities are imitating it. Astoria, particularly up near Ditmars in Old Astoria is really trying to build a community that looks like this. Great investment folks. Great future appreciation in property values.

Yup. They say Elmhurst is tomorrow's America today.

Yea, sure.

Anonymous said...

CRAP ALERT: From the southwest corner of the Metro Mall roof parking lot you can see a 10 unit or so cookie cutter rowhouse! Featuring Fedders airconditioner slots and a parking lot right in front! Plus the LIRR freight branch passes nearby!

Anonymous said...

Yes, love the view of the billboard..

Anonymous said...

what a steaming pile...

verdi said...

Where's the crenelated roof line
and the cannon battery ?

A Medieval fortress looks better !

Anonymous said...

The "wrong side of the tracks".....
the "right side of the tracks".....
this is RIGHT ON THE DAMN TRACKS !

H-m-m-m....
an example the new luxury housing market (?)....
puh-leeze!

It used to be that the only time you could get tweeded was in a haberdashery emporium!