Friday, October 12, 2007

Water Rate Hike, McMansions Exempt

Hello Crappy:

Below is another piece, inspired in part by a hilarious comment Verdi made on the “H2O hike has pols steamed” post.

"Water Rate Hike, McMansions Exempt"

Looking at this 1934 photo one wonders what John Conyngham of Lehman Township, Pennsylvania, could’ve possibly been thinking when he had the walls his bathroom adorned with monkeys?

If he’d been living here, in New York, the freaky fresco would’ve been fitting as the city has just proposed to jack up water rates by 18 percent, come January, with the seeming intent of making monkeys out of us. The rate hike would follow a previous one amounting to a 39 percent overall increase in less than two years.

If the proposal passes everyone will feel pinched, except for McMansion homeowners who don’t use much tap water, preferring to sip chilled Perrier out of crystal crockery. They don’t need to be bothered with watering lawns or trees, either, as their colossal fortresses extend right up to their neighbor’s property lines.

Constructed entirely out of brownish bricks, McMansions resemble corrugated cardboard boxes, having flat roofs and few if any windows on the sides. That their owners could think that they actually looked nice and added prestige to a community clearly shows that they have no taste. To put it less mildly, they think that their shit doesn’t stink.

But with this whopping water hike in the works this character flaw of theirs is actually an asset, enabling them to put off flushing their toilets after taking leaks or dumping loads – except when their pedigreed pooches are looking to take swigs from the bowl.

- Ken Klinger
Queens Crap ensign

7 comments:

verdi said...

It's nice to know that I'm actually a partial owner
of all the new buildings that are going up all over
New York City.

How's that you say ?

I.....along with all the rest of you......
subsidize the ever increasing
water supply and sewer demands
of all new construction.

We do this by paying
our "fair share" of these taxes.....
and tax increases.....and more tax increases
that facilitate all this over development!

Doesn't that make us all co-owners
of all NYC real estate ?
(Keep that under your hat......
they might increase our real estate taxes).

Hey, come to think of it.....
do co-owners paying water & sewer taxes
have the legal right to pee in any toilet in NYC ?

Never mind....that's water under the bridge .

Taxpayer said...

"But with this whopping water hike in the works this character flaw of theirs is actually an asset, enabling them to put off flushing their toilets after taking leaks or dumping loads – except when their pedigreed pooches are looking to take swigs from the bowl."

It might not just be the pooches taking swigs. Many owners are living on the edge, and to save money, may well be competing with the real pedigreed residents of the home for any water at all.

Anonymous said...

I love the way you take a story about the water rate hike, and turn it into a "McMansion owners Exempt" story. Just because you dont like the way their houses look, doesnt mean they arent paying more for their water too. A word of advice, talk about McMansions and how ugly they are, when thats what the story calls for. Now if you wanted to talk the need for the city to repair leaky pipes that waste tons of water a year from upstate reserviours....that also would be a good point to make here. Not the ugly houses and how people have more money than you, and your unhappiness on how they are spending it.

Queens Crapper said...

A word of advice: write about what you want to write about, and let Ken do the same.

ken said...

thanks Crappy. And to the anonymous poster, maybe you've got a bit of a point there about combining two, mildly related, issues in one piece. No need to be
speculating about "people having more money than me," though, "and my unhappiness on how they are spending it," being responsible for the critical tone I took towards McMansion homewowners in the piece. That was uncalled for.

Anonymous said...

Most Mc Mansion owners
generally have big egos and bad taste to match
(look at what they've chosen to live in) .

Roman style bathrooms
and tall exterior columns that reach to the sky.

They're nothing but
"klassy" wanna-bees.....forever looking upward
towards their real Park Avenue idols.

Though they constantly covet
the aristocratic life style.....
it looks like they never made it to that level.

Instead.....they have become the laughing stock
of both the upper and lower classes for their obnoxious pretense of luxury !

Now.... go and flush your gold plated toilet handle
after you've finished dumping on your
marble throne "il principo"!

Carol said...

"Not the ugly houses and how people have more money than you, and your unhappiness on how they are spending it."

How do you know that the McMansionites have more money than the poster? Many of the McMansionites are mortgaged to the hilt and headed for bankruptcy court. They are only building these immense structures because they cannot afford Long Island and New Jersey taxes.

I thought the original post by Ken was very clever.

In fact, any time we have the opportunity to knock overdevelopment of our beloved communities - let's take it!

Also, I'm curious - if the McMansionites have really no lawns to speak of - where do their children play? In the street? Maybe that's the plus side - perhaps it will slow the traffic down a bit.