A Frank Lloyd Crap special in Bushwick

This is the 400 block of Stockholm Street, just over the Ridgewood border in Bushwick. You've got some lowrise semi-attached homes, built to be uniform. Well, we can't have that, now, can we?

Thanks, Frank!

As expected, this project is rife with complaints, violations, stop work orders, etc., and for some reason has multiple BINs.

The proposed vertical enlargement will make an 8-family out of a 3-family. But should we really call them "family" units? It'll probably be home to DSA transplants living wall-to-wall.

Just when you thought you'd seen everything Flushing has to offer

Not sure who did this (Frank Lloyd Crap?) or why they thought it was a good idea but it's freaking hideous! Here's the view as you enter Flushing from the Northern Blvd Bridge:

Bushwick Avenue bushwhacked by FLC!

QC normally focuses on crap in Queens, but we were alerted to the presence of a very special dung pile at 908 Bushwick Avenue. The lobby is in the cellar? Top floors overhang community drive? The design elements seem familiar. A little TOO familiar.

Mama mia! Who could be responsible for this architectural abortion? (Also notice how the rendering differs from the reality.)

Sure enough, look who was spotted in the vicinity. It's none other than Frank Lloyd Crap!

Aluminum crap in Brooklyn

What kind of housing stock automatically comes to mind when the word "Brooklyn" is said? Why, brownstones, of course. But not this:

This beaut can be found at 184 Adelphi Street. Aluminum facade and car in the yard. The next shot comes from Google Street View. I don't know which vehicle looks worse there, but the red one apparently led to a violation for dead storage.

You'll also notice there's nothing resembling a front door here.

And whoopsie: There's not only an old violation for occupancy without a C of O, but also an active unanswered complaint about a basement apartment.

A spokesperson for Frank Lloyd Crap declined comment.

Craphouse owner compares it to renaissance painting

From the Daily News:

The owner and designer behind Queens’ first ever energy-efficient “passive house” rebuffed critics of the three-story home’s Lego-like façade Tuesday.

The future home of Tom Paino and his partner at 45-12 11th St., which Paino called “The Climate Change Row House,” features black, grey and white tiles in a sky pattern that local bloggers maligned in a barrage of posts last week.

But Paino compared the naysayers to yokels who attacked three-dimensional paintings during the Renaissance.

“People tried to throw rocks at the pictures because they weren’t used to paintings that had depth,” he said. “This house is going to be an example in the architecture world.”

But Paino’s design provoked viral putdowns on the web last week. Real estate blog Curbed ran a post about the house entitled , "Could this row house be the ugliest building in Queens?,” and popular local blog Queens Crap wrote that the house must have been designed by "Frank Lloyd Crap" in a Wednesday post.

A more supportive blogger admired the façade because the cloud design "reminds me of Legos," but Paino said he isn't paying any of them any mind.

"I have no idea who these people are," said Paino. "All I can tell you is that the façade is dramatic enough so that people walking by stop to look at it."

Ah, leave it to the Daily News to feel it necessary to get the crapmaker's side of the story when blogs poke fun at the crap. Here's the major part of the story that they left out:

Tom Paino bills himself as a preservationist. In fact, he was once a board member of the Greater Astoria Historical Society. For years, he claimed he was "restoring" his early 20th century rowhouse. Instead, he rebuilt it like this. Hypocrisy knows no bounds, especially in Queens where actual preservation is a joke, and this house is a punchline. But at least people are stopping to look at its dramatic façade!

You can either laugh at this stuff, or cry.

Frank Lloyd Crap outdoes himself in LIC

You know folks, it takes some special talent to keep coming up with vibrant and diverse pieces of Queens Crap. And Frank Lloyd Crap has such talent.

We had the chance to chat about some recent mentoring that Frank had undertaken. The project above, at 45-12 11th Street in LIC had been crappified by a young member of the Queens AIA. However, it just wasn't crappy enough. Until Frank got involved, that is!

"It was missing that special pizzazz," Frank said. "It just didn't disrupt the streetscape enough. If you want silly yuppies to think they're living in an avant garde piece of architecture, you can't just get by with a slightly out-of-character alteration," he explained. "I worked closely with the novice for a while and we came up with this."

"It's important to not only have an ostentatious design, but also to get creative with the reasons why you are undertaking crappification. I settled on, 'RAISE LOWEST FLOOR LEVEL OF EXISTING BUILDING ABOVE THE FLOOD PLAIN.' Of course, considering the damage wreaked by Sandy in this very community, raising the building up is common sense that the DOB can't refuse."

I suppose we'll just ignore the fact that there is still an apartment in the basement that is very much within the flood plain.

Photos of "Lego Building" from New York Shitty.

Mr. Noguchi, meet Mr. Crap

From Brownstoner Queens, we find out that the finishing touches are being put on this 3-family baby across the street from the Noguchi Museum.

The post says that Gerald Caliendo is the architect, but someone else is taking credit for it.

It's Frank Lloyd Crap! Welcome back!

He's baaaaack....

Disaster photo courtesy of Brownstoner.

Kruger Crap

This is where Carl Kruger lives. Damn. This may be a Frank Lloyd Crap special.

From CBS 2:

Sources told Kramer that the investigation is on-going and that the taps and bugs on Kruger’s and other defendants’ phones have produced a cornucopia of possible corruption leads — even the complaint filed against Kruger has hints of possible new avenues of investigation. There is a reference to a Kruger conversation regarding “senator 1″ and a number of chats about “senate leader #1.”

And you thought our crap was bad...

From Newsday:

The first U.S. example of architecture against death -- otherwise known as “reversible destiny architecture” -- is now selling in East Hampton for $4 million. And the home has been named one of the country's Top 10 Weird but Wonderful Homes.

The philosophy behind the architecture is to disorient the occupants while at the same time keep them challenged and alert for a long life.

Built as an extension to a 1964 A-frame house based on Frank Lloyd Wright’s architecture, the "Bioscleave House" comes — thankfully — with directions for use.

Mr. Crap's latest...The Astoria Ziggurat

One fine day last month, Frank Lloyd Crap invited yours truly on a tour of the Ditmars Blvd area of Astoria. After dining at Mike's, we sauntered down 31st Street to where the Crapmobile was parked. Along the way, we met the King of Queens Crap, Peter Vallone, Jr. across the street from a funky out-of-character building, and Frank made an announcement.

He is proud of his latest design, which was inspired by ancient Middle Eastern architecture. The development will be called the "The Ziggurat" or just "The Zig" for short.

I gently broke the news to Frank that the Zig has a stop work order on it. Pete chimed in with a wink, "Not a concern, because they never stopped working. And not to take anything away from Mr. Crap, who is both a major donor and a Facebook friend of mine, but this isn't a new building at all, but an alteration, as per the DOB."


Here's what it looked like back around the time they slapped it with a violation in 2008.

"BUT!" Frank interjected, "Just look at the wonderful amenities awaiting the eventual inhabitant of my latest masterpiece! Transportation and shopping right outside their door!"

Then he whipped this out:

Some things still leave the Crapper speechless. Like a car without doors or a hood next to a vendor tent set up on the sidewalk along a major thoroughfare in Mr. Public Safety's 'hood.

One final endorsement ...

The group Self Certifying Urban Developers (SCUD), a civic activism group founded by renowned architect Frank Lloyd Crap, today announced its endorsement of Mayor Mike Bloomberg for re-election. Mr. Crap joined the mayor outside city hall this morning to make the election day announcement. Below is a transcript of Mr. Crap's speech, with some minor typos corrected:

"I am proud today to announce SCUD's endorsement of Mayor Michael R Bloomberg for re-election. Under Mayor Mike's leadership, we've developed the hell out of New York, and we need to keep that going. Anyone can build anything with Mayor Mike in office, with the Taxpayers often footing the bill. Under his Buildings Department, developers can build efficiently by approving their own designs, hiring the cheapest labor possible, and having some reasonable flexibility regarding the onerous safety regulations on the books.

Only Mayor Mike can save our economy. Development provides both jobs and housing to shitloads of illegals many middle class New Yorkers, and we know that no one appreciates the needs and struggles of the middle class more than a billionaire like Mike Bloomberg. SCUD feels that 56 independent newspapers cashing Bloomberg's ad checks can't be wrong with their endorsements, so we encourage everyone to vote early and vote often for Mayor Mike Bloomberg."

"Development is the key to getting out of this recession," the mayor said. "With people like Frank Lloyd Crap in our city, we know we'll soon be on the road to recovery. He suggested developing affordable housing atop 'soft sites' like cemeteries, and bold ideas is what this administration is all about."

The rumor throughout the chambers of City Hall is that Bloomberg may replace Buildings Commissioner Robert LiMandri with Mr. Crap during his anticipated third term because LiMandri has been known to actually issue stop work orders from time to time.

A Crap Above - Manhattan edition

From Restless:

When I looked up at the top of this building, on Central Park West near 89th, I thought "They moved to Queens without leaving home." That patterned brick (plus plain window frame above AC slot) screams "Queens" to me.

Queens Crap built in Williamsburg

It's amazing the things you find when you Google "Queens Crap." This isn't even one of mine, but the author knows it when he sees it.

From Waterfront Preservation Alliance:


99 South 4th Street


Not sure what went on here, cause I've never seen the word "suspended" on a permit before.


107 South 4th Street

This one apparently is not new, but an alteration, at least by DOB standards. Frank, how did you get away with these?

The House that Crap Built

Ladies and Gentlemen,

It gives me great pleasure to report that four crap towers designed by yours truly were included in the new Yankee Stadium. I figured that we'd all had enough of this nostalgic, "homage to the past" stuff. What we really needed was out-of-context glass junk to disgrace this retro ballpark. Like they say, "If you build crap, they will come."

I contributed other design ideas as well, like throwing monument park in a garage under the sports bar and leaving the upper deck concourse open so garbage blows all over the field on windy days. A nice touch are the flimsy cup holders that need to be replaced frequently because people are using them as footrests. It was also my idea to situate the stadium in such a way that it offers a commanding view of two of my other Bronx projects.

Finally, replacing the stolen parkland with nice astro-turf sports fields atop the parking garages was my doing, too. After all, nothing goes together better than toxic fumes and toxic turf. Just ask my inspiration, Mayor Mike.

Frank Lloyd Crap discovers Bed-Stuy

Bed-Stuy Banana has photos of this and other FLC one-of-a-kind crapitecture.

A super amazing crap pile!

From Lost City:

I was walking by the thing today and—What the hell is that thing on top of the building? The structure has sprouted a two-story tower on its roof, like some sort of Crapitecture Florentine Palazzo. I mean, really, what is that? I've never seen anything like it. Will it be something practical, like a water tower container? A super-sized chimney? A really narrow penthouse? A place to store the tenants' javelins and tentpoles?

Frank Lloyd Crap strikes again!

FLC unveils his finished product

It's been a long time coming, but Frank Lloyd Crap has finally unveiled his latest, formerly known as "Zig Zag Crap".

Frank, you've simply outdone yourself.

Return to the Elmhurst Half-House

I got this in the e-mail recently, with the question, "Where's the rest of the house on the left?"

So I thought I would explain to those of you who don't go back to the beginnings of this site that this very house was one of the inspirations for Queens Crap. Because even the most oblivious of us can't walk past this spot and not come to the realization that the borough's gone to hell.

And it figures that it's a Frank Lloyd Crap design.

Frank Lloyd Crap goes industrial

Here we have Frank Lloyd Crap's foray into industrial architecture.

He filed for a permit to erect a 2-story structure that's hollow below to allow for 7 cars and a contractor's office hovering above.

Let's check in with Frank to see what his thought process was for this design.

"Well, Crappy, the inspiration for this design was basically a large ugly shoe box with some holes cut in it suspended in the air over a pile of junk. Yep, at's what I was going for. I finished it off with a bunch of ugly cinderblocks to complete the look. But you don't know the full story.
I intended for it to be a new campaign office for Dennis Gallagher, because it wasn't exactly kosher that his campaign office and council office were just a narrow staircase apart. But alas, before I could present him with this gift, he got caught and his political career ended in disgrace. So, I sold it to a construction company for a quick buck and got right to work on Anthony Como's castle o' crap. And now he's out. Geez, maybe I'm bad luck or something. If everyone I design crap for gets tossed out of office, I should probaly design a nursery for Melinda Katz or a cozy cell for Bloomberg."