Thursday, April 9, 2009
The House that Crap Built
Ladies and Gentlemen,
It gives me great pleasure to report that four crap towers designed by yours truly were included in the new Yankee Stadium. I figured that we'd all had enough of this nostalgic, "homage to the past" stuff. What we really needed was out-of-context glass junk to disgrace this retro ballpark. Like they say, "If you build crap, they will come."
I contributed other design ideas as well, like throwing monument park in a garage under the sports bar and leaving the upper deck concourse open so garbage blows all over the field on windy days. A nice touch are the flimsy cup holders that need to be replaced frequently because people are using them as footrests. It was also my idea to situate the stadium in such a way that it offers a commanding view of two of my other Bronx projects.
Finally, replacing the stolen parkland with nice astro-turf sports fields atop the parking garages was my doing, too. After all, nothing goes together better than toxic fumes and toxic turf. Just ask my inspiration, Mayor Mike.