Monday, June 16, 2008

Helping Anthony Weiner out

Dear Neighbor:

I'm grateful that you've stayed in touch with me with your thoughts, ideas and even an occasional complaint. Now I need your help.

I've launched what I like to call "Weiner 2.0." It's the new website for my constituents, and I'd like you to give it a once-over.

The address is www.house.gov/weiner and it features a bunch of new features.

Don't be shy. Try it out. Hit all the tabs and buttons. Watch all the videos. Take a stab at our fancy new map-based information pages. And then let me know what you think. Send me an email with your critique so my team and I can perfect it.

Thanks for being part of my "Beta Test" team.

Sincerely,

ANTHONY D. WEINER
Member of Congress

P.S. While you are there, don't forget to sign up for "Weiner Alerts" and podcasts.


Okay, let's get to work. Anthony wants to know what we think. (Let's start off by saying "it features a bunch of new features" is kind of redundant.) Click on the photo to read his biography page.

"Although he didn't come from a political or powerful family, New York City is in Anthony Weiner's blood."

I didn't realize people thought that you had to be from a political or powerful family to have NYC in your blood. Maybe the following would be more appropriate phrasing: "Anthony Weiner is a native New Yorker."

"He started a program to take at-risk and troublesome teens and put them to work cleaning graffiti. He called them 'Weiner's Cleaners'."

Oh God...take that off the website, like, right away.

"After September 11th, Weiner was the only New Yorker appointed by the Democratic Leader to serve on the Homeland Security Task Force."

What does that say about the Democratic Leader? Not making your party look too good with that line.

"In 2005, animated by the plight of the middle class and those struggling to make it, Weiner ran for Mayor of New York City."

Okay, Tony, no one believes that pile of horse dung. You ran because you are a media whore and when you run unopposed for Congress no one pays attention to you.

"With a general election only eight short weeks away, Weiner decided party unity was of paramount concern. In a move that earned the respect of the public, his colleagues and Democratic Party leaders, he unified the party by conceding the race and backing Ferrer, his one-time opponent, as the Democratic nominee."

Actually, that was one of the worst flip-flops in your history. Just hours after saying you would definitely stay in the race, you suddenly reversed course and dropped out. A lot of us thought you were really lame and/or had been promised something in return.

"Anthony Weiner currently sits on the Energy and Commerce Committee, which has the largest jurisdiction in the U.S. House, overseeing telecommunications, public health, air quality and environmental protection, the nation's energy policy, and interstate and foreign commerce."

Air quality here sucks, environmental protection is non-existent, we use more energy than ever, our highways are clogged and our bridges are crumbling. In other words, I wouldn't boast about your involvement with this.

"...his work in Washington shows his commitment to his hometown. He has brought millions of dollars home to New York City"

This reminds me of the Chris Rock routine where the father brags about how great he is for supporting his children. That's what you're supposed to do; you wanna a medal for this?

"Funds Funding to restore our city's parks and beaches...and even funds funding to clean graffiti"

Oh boy...when Hiram is done with his proofreader, we'll send him over to you.

"He has also fought to uphold New York values. The National Reproductive Rights Action League (NARAL) praised him for his vigilant efforts on behalf of a woman's right to choose. He has won perfect scores from our nation's largest environmental groups. And Congressman Weiner was given the "honor" of a grade of "F" from the National Rifle Association."

I didn't realize that there was such a thing as "New York values". I don't think cities have values; people do.

"The Forward called him one of the 50 most influential Jewish Americans."

This is the last line of your bio? How about something like, "Anthony Weiner is proud to represent Brooklyn and Queens in Congress and would like to hear from you..."?

14 comments:

Taxpayer said...

A line in his Bio says that he helps support recent immigrants.

First, not a word as to their legal status.

Second, according to his own publicity seeking words, he supports catwalk models from foreign countries. He doesn't think that Brooklyn or Queens can produce the beauties he requires.

He really is another spoiled adolescent.

Anonymous said...

He endorsed Dizzy Lizzie.

He doesn't think she's good looking enough?

If he believed in her enough to endorse her, why doesn't he hire her now that she's such a loser (30%) not even her percentage when she first ran.

Is she running again? Does Weiner still endorse a loser?

Anonymous said...

Speaking of clowns:

POLITICS IS THE ART OF LOOKING FOR TROUBLE, FINDING IT EVERYWHERE, DIAGNOSING IT INCORRECTLY, AND APPLYING THE WRONG REMEDIES.

- GROUCHO MARX

Anonymous said...

A line in his Bio says that he helps support recent immigrants.
First, not a word as to their legal status.

TRANSLATION: A TWEEDER

Second, according to his own publicity seeking words, he supports catwalk models from foreign countries. He doesn't think that Brooklyn or Queens can produce the beauties he requires.

TRANSLATION: THIRD WORLD TYPES ARE TWEEDER, NOT DATING MATERIAL. YA MIGHT HAVE SOME PEAKEM POCKEM WITH THE MAID BUT YOU NEVVA MARRY HER.

Anonymous said...

Is Weiner girl friend real or for show? If she is really his how can she let him spin this crap about models?

What the real story here. I bet it is well hidden.

Butt Head said...

I'm getting a Weiner alert

Uh... huh huh..

Anonymous said...

um.. he he....


I need a Weiner cleaner..

um..he

Liman said...

Weiner is a hack. A hack beholden to the special interests who fund him. He has no position on an issue until his handlers tell him what it will be. Although he has been a hack for a long time, he's still clumsy in his hackitude (see the website). He has no soul. He has no conscience. He is Hack, hear him mewl.

It's odd how his name can be mispronounced, yet still fit him to a "t" either way.

Anonymous said...

Figures, as we always say in Crappyland, the polticans and newpapers are joined at the hip.

Looks like the same guy wrote the Ridgewood piece did the Weinie roast.

Anonymous said...

Weiner sits on the powerful House Judiciary committee, yet despite all of the crimes the Bush administration has committed he won't sign onto Impeachment hearings, here's a few of the more blatant crimes...I guess he feels it's ok for Bush to torture, to wire-tap Americans, to start a war on bogus evidence, to leak the identity of CIA agents for political purposes,to fire of US attorneys for not targeting and persecuting democratic office-holders..and on and on...Maybe Weiner feels the US Constitution is just an old piece of paper, like President Bush and VP Dick Cheney... Do Weiner, Bush and Dick have more in common than just being slang names for genitalia..?

Anonymous said...

Yes, all three are asswipes.

Anonymous said...

This guy is wacky.

Saw him maching in the Peurto Rican day parade and resolved that if any of my kids ever consider running for office I will cuff them behind their ears.

Anonymous said...

How in the hell to these types ever get into office?

A big mystery.

JO said...

damn, why does he have to mention he is Jewish? I was all smiles until that last line. Ruining it for all of us.
Can I counteract this by tell you of other people who are Jewish such as james caan, Lou Reed, spitzer (I like him, sooorry), chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, and Leonard Cohen?
sorry, just had to get that out of my system.