Saturday, December 12, 2009

Should we laugh or cry while reading this?

From Huffington Post:

A substandard and insanitary apartment in a substandard and insanitary neighborhood.


I signed a contract on the spot. Wouldn't you?

I moved in. It was no surprise that so many others were so happy to live in this substandard and insanitary neighborhood.

The first neighbor I met was Berman V. Parker. He lived a few doors down. He was so envious because his place was substandard, but it was only a bit cluttered, not insanitary. I told him I'd come over some time and we could fix that.

We did. The best part was unleashing the Ebola virus, the plague and some fungus into his kitty litter box. We fixed his place, but good.

I've since had some great times in my apartment and neighborhood since then. The bar around the corner? So substandard and insanitary numerous publications have chosen it as one of the best bars in the country and in New York City.

We had everything we could ever want. Our slice of substandard heaven was the envy of the underutilized borough.

Until one day a very generous guy came around. Called himself a developer. Said he was going to standardize and sanitize. He was going to obliterate it to save it. Raze the neighborhood to fix the cracks, the patch of weeds, the touches of graffiti. In pursuit of that noble goal he would have to take my substandard and insanitary home along with the substandard and insanitary homes of my neighbors. He said he was going to take the whole glorious substandard and insanitary neighborhood.

Hey, I couldn't blame him. That's the type of neighborhood we all covet.

Photo from USA Today


Anonymous said...

insanitary or insanity? or unsanitary? someone quick, send them an English teacher!

Queens Crapper said...

Insanitary and unsanitary mean the same thing and both are proper to use. I'll send the English teacher over to you, anonymous.

Anonymous said...

I'll send the English teacher over to you, anonymous.

mmmmmmm I hope she's a red head.

Anonymous said...

They forgot the most important part of hot new real estate in Long Island City--toxic waste.

If your children don't sprout a second head and you don't get leukemia, it's not really in.