A city of pure re-imagination...

 

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The coffee stained picture of the dead cop is pretty pretty pretty good.

Bike zealot re-imagines "Fast Car"

 

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 I headed over to Wegman's today on my $7,000 cargo bike to see if there were any Presidents Day sales on soy based meat. While browsing the aisles, Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car" started playing on the supermarket sound system. I got so upset I almost put down the case of LaCroix I had in my arms and left. This song needs to stop being played in public. Why? Well, the car culture is waaay too strong in this one.

Let's set aside the fact that the song is literally encouraging reckless driving. I mean, it's called FAST CAR. And let's also set aside that the song is about heartbreak and keeping hope alive in the face of despair.

Let's get down to the real nitty gritty.

First stanza

"I want a ticket to anywhere."

If she lived in a 15 minute city, she wouldn't be clinging to a cager driving a death machine to get out.

Second stanza

"Won't have to drive too far, Just 'cross the border and into the city."

Hey lady, if it's not that far, you should be taking public transportation and saving the environment.

Fifth stanza

"So I remember when we were driving, driving in your car, Speed so fast it felt like I was drunk, City lights lay out before us"

That's how fast your loser boyfriend was driving around and you didn't bail? City lights mean there was probably a bus you could have taken home at least.

Sixth stanza

"You got a fast car, We go cruising, entertain ourselves"

OH. MY. GOD. Driving for entertainment? Burning fossil fuels to get your jollies?

"We'll move out of the shelter, Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs"

Now this is where it really goes off the rails. We amateur urbanists all know that poor people don't drive or own cars. And the writer has dreams of living in the suburbs, the worst possible place for anyone to live! You belong in an inner city housing project, honey.

I know Ms. Chapman is a respected folk singer and that it's black history month and we need to listen to black voices and all, but she gets my white transportation activist ire up. Tomorrow I am going to call the Master of Urban Planning Department at Hunter College and see if any of the students there would like to focus their thesis on how car culture in songs detroys cities.

I don't think we're in Queens anymore, Toto

From the Juniper Berry:

Have you felt lately like you were conked on the head and awakened inside a nightmare? Or maybe that your house had been picked up by a cyclone and touched down in the Land of Odd? That's kind of what Queens feels like these days. All the characters are here – the witch, the coward, the heartless, the one without a brain. You name the freak, we have it representing us.

Unfortunately, we voters can't click our heels together three times and be brought back to a better time. The Land of Odd is now our reality and our first chance at getting back over the rainbow won't come until Election Day, 2017. Until then, we'll continue our long slog down the yellow brick road with this unsavory cast of characters.

Having said all that, does anyone have a bucket of water?

Some people can't take a joke...or the truth

From DNA Info:

A mysterious mock website that took jabs at the members of Queens Community Board 1 took most of its content offline recently, posting only a brief message stating the site had been threatened with legal action.

"Cb1queens.org is a parody and protected free political speech. Needless to say, it does not have any relation with any actual community board or governmental agency," a message on the site currently reads.

"But based on the threat of legal action from the City of New York, the site is temporarily being taken down," the site states.

It's unclear if legal threats were indeed made against the site. An email sent to the site's designers was not immediately returned, and CB1 district manager Lucille Hartmann was not available for comment Thursday.

The city's Law Department did not immediately respond to questions.