Tuesday, February 28, 2023

Bike zealot re-imagines "Fast Car"

 

Streetsblob 

 I headed over to Wegman's today on my $7,000 cargo bike to see if there were any Presidents Day sales on soy based meat. While browsing the aisles, Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car" started playing on the supermarket sound system. I got so upset I almost put down the case of LaCroix I had in my arms and left. This song needs to stop being played in public. Why? Well, the car culture is waaay too strong in this one.

Let's set aside the fact that the song is literally encouraging reckless driving. I mean, it's called FAST CAR. And let's also set aside that the song is about heartbreak and keeping hope alive in the face of despair.

Let's get down to the real nitty gritty.

First stanza

"I want a ticket to anywhere."

If she lived in a 15 minute city, she wouldn't be clinging to a cager driving a death machine to get out.

Second stanza

"Won't have to drive too far, Just 'cross the border and into the city."

Hey lady, if it's not that far, you should be taking public transportation and saving the environment.

Fifth stanza

"So I remember when we were driving, driving in your car, Speed so fast it felt like I was drunk, City lights lay out before us"

That's how fast your loser boyfriend was driving around and you didn't bail? City lights mean there was probably a bus you could have taken home at least.

Sixth stanza

"You got a fast car, We go cruising, entertain ourselves"

OH. MY. GOD. Driving for entertainment? Burning fossil fuels to get your jollies?

"We'll move out of the shelter, Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs"

Now this is where it really goes off the rails. We amateur urbanists all know that poor people don't drive or own cars. And the writer has dreams of living in the suburbs, the worst possible place for anyone to live! You belong in an inner city housing project, honey.

I know Ms. Chapman is a respected folk singer and that it's black history month and we need to listen to black voices and all, but she gets my white transportation activist ire up. Tomorrow I am going to call the Master of Urban Planning Department at Hunter College and see if any of the students there would like to focus their thesis on how car culture in songs detroys cities.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

I’m still waiting for the funny part ..,

Disgruntled Citizen said...

I was depressed but this made me laugh.
This song came out in 1988.
Is he trying to bring Tracy back even though she's a one hit wonder.
Her next song can be all about bicycles and bike lanes
how much fun it is to terrorize senior citizens.

Anonymous said...

They should be careful, they will be cancelled and crucifixed for criticizing a black person.

Anonymous said...

they will be crucifixed and cancelled for criticizing a black one hit wonder

Anonymous said...

You are 100% on board with the narrative or you are an awful conservative that needs to be cancelled.

Anonymous said...

Wigger your corn rows are too dam tight.

Anonymous said...

If poor people don’t drive cars then who is driving for the Car Services of Queens? I know a lot of poor people who own and drive cars.

Anonymous said...

A respectable folk singer? That’s whatcycall a One Hit Wonder!

Kitara said...

Just goes to show that car totalitarians and right wing nuts have absolutely no sense of humor. A 5-year-old could have written a better satire.
Sad ...

Anonymous said...

Their Brain Melts

Anonymous said...

"Burning fossil fuels to get your jollies"
Yep at the Big Bow Wow on Cross Bay !

Anonymous said...

I got a sixty-nine Chevy with a three-ninety-six
Fuelie heads and a Hurst on the floor
She's waiting tonight down in the parking lot
Outside the Seven-Eleven store
Me and my partner Sonny built her straight out of scratch
And he rides with me from town to town
We only run for the money, got no strings attached
We shut 'em up and then we shut 'em down - The Boss

Anonymous said...

This proves that it is so easy to manipulate ignorant people.

Anonymous said...

Conservatives need to pushing Orwell's book "1984" everywhere we go. Encourage people to read it.

Anonymous said...

Big transportaion news !
It Was OBAMA’s Deregulation That Caused East Palestine Disaster – Says Wash Post
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tsHYDQHY8I&ab_channel=TheJimmyDoreShow

Anonymous said...

Bike Zealots are "Woke" melting snowflakes ! This type of unhinged emotional response is one that you would expect out of somebody who is suffering a serious mental episode.

Kitara said...

@"Bike Zealots are "Woke" melting snowflakes ! This type of unhinged emotional response is one that you would expect out of somebody who is suffering a serious mental episode."

Your comment just made my day. Did you even bother reading the article? Just as a test, If you read the following article from the Onion, would you believe that it was intended to be a serious article or a joke?
It's no wonder that the Murdoch Empire and the people behind the QAnon hoax can get so many subscribers, when there are brainless buffoons like you, NPC_doofus, assorted TrumpTurds and other QAnon creeps on the planet.

Sad ...

Anonymous said...

Trolled again Kittarra.....

Post a Comment